If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
