Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
