i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
