No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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