Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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