on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
