I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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