Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
50% drunk capacity currently
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
