girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
