im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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