Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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