They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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