Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
