There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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