Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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