We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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