It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
