I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
