Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
