I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
jump out the window naked night went bad
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
