I didn't shave. On purpose
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
