I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
