I hope mine doesn't look like that
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
