I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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