Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
