Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
