I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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