Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
