Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You were trust falling into bushes
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
