I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
