i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
