Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize