You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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