fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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