what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
