I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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