No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
