giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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