the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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