Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
