Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize