Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I did not marry a roomba.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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