Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
