just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
