You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
