paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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