This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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