There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
