how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
