i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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