He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
