Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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