if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
