Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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