How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we're making bets on your personal life
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
