her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
