Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
