I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
