I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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