do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
