i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
