Already got asked if we're dating
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
