so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
