Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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