I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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