Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
