I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize