i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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