take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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