Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
