And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
