I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
