How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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