I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
