he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize