I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
